Human Bottle Rocket Targets

Let's Get Ready to RUMBLE!

Imagine walking down a little street in Taiwan: neon lights everywhere, food stalls, Chinese lanterns. There are fireworks going off in the distance which is a nice sight, and then there are fireworks going into crowds of people hopping around like Mexican jumping beans. All of the above were part of my adventures last night at the Yen-shui firework festival. This event originated over a century ago after a devastating cholera epidemic wiped out most of the people in the town. The survivors, hoping to drive out the evil spirits that had caused the disease called on Kuan Kung, the God of War, by carrying around a statue and lighting off swarms of fireworks. Shortly after this desperate cry for help, the disease subsided. The tradition has been faithfully celebrated by hundreds of thousands every year since, in an attempt to warn off deomons.

I made my way to this town with a group of friends, and we could immediately tell that this was something spectacular. While we were on our way to the center of all the action, we passed a a man (sporting a thick raincoat and scooter helmet) who was being rapped by a string of explosives. We all stopped short and watched as his companion lit the fuse and dashed for cover. A few seconds later, the first bang went off near his feet and then it was rapid fire all around his body for the next 10 seconds. Then, he simply walked away as if he hadn't been in the middle of Armageddon.

To protect yourself from the explosions, you had to be totally covered. We all dawned our layers, gloves, and helmets with towels around the neck. Any revealed skin was at risk of incineration. There were people and fireworks going off everywhere, and we eventually found our way to one of the many streets of sheer chaos. A HUGE cart (the size of a dump truck) had been wheeled out to the intersection. There was a massive tiger on the top, with explosives hidden within its body; something like the Trojan Horse of Taiwan. Minutes passed as we stared at this massive beast. My resolve to be in the foreground shrank as the anticipation heightened. I was having second thoughts about standing near a car which I was convinced would explode sooner than later. Eventually somebody lit a fuse and the sea of helmets began doing a nervous dance. Then the wall of bottle rockets was unleashed into the crowd- they were flying in all directions and exploding everywhere. My helmet was completely fogged up but I remember seeing my friend's back smoking so I patted him down. People were doing the same thing all over. After about 20 seconds, the bottle rockets subsided and the tiger lit up as fireworks shot into the air from its body. Another 20 seconds and we were left with a huge cart full of holes with a flaming tiger on top. That was just the beginning. The crowd moved down the road a little (lead by dancing men carrying Buddha carts (in protective plastic cases) and came to rest in an area of nothing but closed up shops. I couldn't figure out what we were waiting for until one of the shops raised its gate and wheeled out another huge cart of bottle rockets. People oohed, Buddhas danced, and the explosives began again. We stayed for over an hour as wall after explosive wall was wheeled out of these otherwise inconspicuous shops.... only in Taiwan

CAUTION: For continued cochlear health, turn down your volume before pressing play

After we'd had our fill of inhaled sulfur, we grabbed some noodles and dumplings and decided to try to locate a bus to bring us back to Kaohsiung. The ladies at the restaurant gave us directions and told us it was about a 20 minute walk to the bus station. After 30 minutes of walking with no bus station in sight we stopped in a 7-11 to make sure we were headed in the right direction. They assured us we were, but offered to drive us the rest of the way. So one of the workers emptied out his car and took the 9 of us (in 2 trips) the rest of the way.... If I had a dime for every time we said "Only in Taiwan," I'd be a very rich woman by now.